The Power of Transformational Setbacks

Let me start with the Wayback Machine to connect ancient mythologies with modern science, as modern life is often best understood through a blend of both. And both together may help my dear reader more than one or the other alone. If at first I don’t succeed, please let me know in a comment.

Humanity’s major cosmological mythologies share a common foundational premise. We were off to a great start, but then things broke. We broke it, or somebody else broke it. But the good news is, we can fix it. If only we’d follow their teachings, practices and wisdom, we too may be spared from what’s broken in the world, or in us.

Joseph Campbell called it the mono myth. A set of themes and structures that are consistently recognizable across human mythologies, and throughout history. It’s the basis of his famous book, Hero With A Thousand Faces. (Which has had a lasting impact on me.)

Our perennial mythologies invariably hold up a protagonist, an exemplary being for us to worship, or at least emulate. But the requirement of a protagonist, by definition, is an antagonist. The antagonist may be a natural or supernatural force. Or just a person. Jesus had forty days and nights of temptation, and Judas Iscariot. Buddha had Mara’s temptation, and Devadatta. Neo had the blue pill, and Agent Smith.

Why is the antagonist, a betrayer or devoted opponent of our hero, consistently a key figure in our mythic traditions, and in our favorite stories?

Without adversity, a hero/heroine’s character is only a hypothesis. True character requires proof. And adversity provides the test, the doorway to a breakthrough in identity and self-actualization. And, by the way, usually a more altruistic relationship to others and the human condition generally.

A formidable opponent isn’t just an inconvenient obstacle on the path to atonement or enlightenment in a traditional sense. Or to it’s modern equivalent, self-actualization. The adversary, a metaphor for adversity generally, is the Key Master. The one who can open the door to our true self.

In Japanese martial arts, two distinct roles are required for training. The Seme is the attacker. Uke is the receiver. Without Seme, Uke’s training is pointless. Or as they say in boxing, “the bag doesn’t hit back.” We need a sparring partner, one who exercises generous self-restraint, in order to train for real challenges.

Voluntary adversity that’s difficult enough to bring progress, yet comfortable enough not to derail daily life, has value, of course. Going to a gym or dojo a few days a week, and pushing ourself, but not too much, is good for us. Gradual progress has it’s place.

Personal transformation, a breakthrough in self-recognition and self-actualization, doesn’t have to be gradual or take time. It can happen in an instant. An event that challenges us beyond our abilities, whether actually or just perceived as beyond our abilities, can be transformative. But not always. Not for everyone. So what’s the difference? What can transform a tragedy in to a triumph, great or small?

According to the scientific research on people who transformed major health setbacks into a deeper connection to self and a personal sense of purpose, there are some consistent predictors of positive outcomes. And one stands out. One we can practice incrementally to build resilience in the face of life’s inevitable setbacks.

First, what was our level of fitness and mental fortitude before the incident? This counts pretty intuitively, I think. But we tend to stay in our gradually attained “new normal” level for too long for it to make a big difference in our deeper resilience. Let's dig deeper.

In a study tracking 233 spinal cord injury survivors, researchers found that a pre-existing basis for self-efficacy, a sense that "I can handle significant or unexpected challenges," is among the main predictors of who rebuilds a positive identity after a debilitating injury.²

A separate study of 330 traumatic injury survivors found the same pattern. Self-efficacy-based coping experience, so called "mastery experiences", gained through repetitive, voluntary adversity, is the strongest differentiator between those who were or were not able to build a meaningful, satisfying life after a debilitating injury.³

Multiple studies show that post-trauma resilience is less about preexistent fitness, education, or financial level. Those help too of course. But it mainly comes from previous "mastery experiences", in any domain, plus a supportive social network, that are the real differentiators.¹

“Mastery experience” isn’t being the best compared to others. It’s being the best compared to our self yesterday. The journey is the destination.

Jesse Billauer was ranked with the world’s top competitive surfers. Until a freak accident in ‘96 broke his neck. Making him a quadriplegic. Though he’d recovered some physical function in his arms, he transformed a personal tragedy in to a greater, more altruistic sense of himself. Jessie's foundation, Life Rolls On, has shown thousands of people with disabilities what it’s like to surf, by getting them in the ocean and either stand-up surfing or bodyboarding.

One of the common catalysts for people like Jessie is the decision not to waste energy resisting what they can’t change. This is what research shows predicts better outcomes after a traumatic event.

Not to be confused with resignation. Not wasting energy on things we can’t change is practicing conscious acceptance, through hard-won discernment, between what we can and can’t control.

And there’s a paradox of control vs satisfaction. A sense of control portends satisfaction. But psychological research shows us that by recognizing and accepting the limits of what we can control, we can replace a potentially neurotic loop with a sense of agency.

Those who’ve “hit bottom” with addiction, and recovered through 12-step programs, know this better than the rest of us. Some addicts say they’re grateful for their addiction, without which they couldn’t have experienced a profound personal catharsis.

But building transformational resilience doesn't require an overwhelming challenge through injury or addiction and an epic healing journey. What research shows is it requires, is consistency. Frequency, “atomic habits”, and consistency, beats volume.

Here are five “mastery experiences” you can do just five minutes a day, five days a week, to improve your ability to transform setbacks in to breakthroughs.

What you chose to do for five minutes a day five days a week can be anything you don’t think you can do. And because you don’t, you probably also don't want to. Brains hate the uncertain and unfamiliar. That's why there’s a time constraint. Practicing surrender to an new, uncomfortable reality starts small by starting short.

As soon as you attain a level for comfort and familiarity with

You can become the hero or heroine of your mico-adversity growth journey through time-contrained daily practice. Life’s “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” are inevitable. Building self-efficacy, a sense of agency when things are out of our control, just a little every day, can transform the inevitable trial in to an unexpected triumph.

Start small, and be consistent, to become HUGE.

🫶🏽

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